6 Serious Consequences of “Lawn Mower” Parenting
I could keep this very short. Lawnmower parenting. It’s terrible for students. It’s terrible for teachers. It’s terrible for society.
Now I am of, course, “Preaching to the choir.” If found your way to my blog, chances are you are committed to more inspired teaching and happier classrooms. So you already know this.
Are you familiar with the term “lawnmower parent”? It was coined pretty recently by an anonymous teacher who posted an article on WeAreTeachers.com entitled “Lawnmower Parents Are the New Helicopter Parents & We Are Not Here for It.” The blog post went viral as it’s contents resonated with teachers pretty much everywhere. Here’s a link to a short video and the original blog post.
Here are my two cents (or right around 1,000 words, if you will) on the subject.
Even if you aren’t familiar with the term “lawnmower parent,” you are certainly familiar with the “lawnmower” behavior. The term basically describes the parent who bends over backward to cut a “clear path” for their student any “inconvenience, problem or discomfort.” Please note: I’m not talking about a parent who advocates for the child who has legitimate learning or social and emotional issues, or who is being bullied. Of course, that’s a parent’s job. Every parent should advocate for their child, and I respect and encourage their right to do so. I’m talking about the parent requests and behaviors that basically cheat their child from opportunities to learn and grow. Here’s what it may look like in your classroom:
- the parent who returns to school to drop off their student’s sport’s uniform/water bottle/textbook/homework when they leave it in the car
- the parent who sends an e-mail asking that their child not be held responsible for not doing their homework because they had “family things” to do the night before
- the parent who asks you to change their child’s grade for ridiculous reasons
- the parent who asks their child to be moved to a different seat/group/classroom because they “don’t like” someone
- the parent who asks for their child’s work to have a different grading scale because they find it “difficult.”
- the parent who does their child’s homework for them
- the parent who has the principal agree that their child can call home or use their cell phone whenever they want as a “safety issue” (yep, that’s a real one)
- the parent who requests that you take their child’s cold lunch into the staff room, microwave it for them and then return it to them in the lunchroom (during my short lunch break)
The consequences of this type of parent “over-involvement” are significant:
- Students don’t learn problem-solving skills of their own.
Students are denied the learning opportunities that come with experiencing “natural consequences” of their behavior.
Students are denied the opportunity to foster resiliency and “grit.”
Students fail to gain confidence in their ability to solve their own problems.
Students are denied the mindset of viewing problems as potential opportunities for growth.
Bottom line, students are not learning skills they need to function in the “real world” in a productive manner.
I don’t need to explain why all of this is bad for students. The consequences are equally bad for teachers.
First, when Students don’t have the skills they need to resolve their own conflicts, solve their own problems, or advocate for their own learning requires teachers and administrators waste a lot of time dealing with issues that students should be able to resolve for themselves. I see many students who have learned helplessness around their ability to navigate any minor physical, emotional or social discomfort. They have learned that they need an adult to resolve every issue for them, no matter how small. They have neither the social and emotional skills nor the confidence to engage in difficult conversations with peers, negotiate a compromise or simply accept graciously that they will not always get their way. What many do have is the nerve to ask to see the principal or vice principal to resolve the most trivial of issues.
Next, many teachers feel the need to “walk on eggshells” to accommodate crazy parent requests. Technically, we shouldn’t feel this way, but you and I both know that the degree to which we need to be accommodating depends on who the parent is and the politics of our school. It can cause a lot of stress and can be a major contributor to teacher burn-out.
Last, and not least significantly, ALL of these consequences are in direct opposition to what we not only should but are contractually required to teach children. Just look at the actual “content standards” for your area of responsibility. For example, one of the content standards for math teaching is “Persevere in Problem Solving.” No matter what you teach, fostering independence in learning as well as collaborative problem solving are likely embedded in the standards somewhere. Many schools are working very hard to foster a growth mindset in learning. The very foundation of growth mindset is the idea that intelligence isn’t fixed, and that failure is an opportunity to pivot, critical feedback fosters growth and that there is value in working on problems that are not easily solved. That’s literally the opposite of what “lawn mower” behavior accomplishes.
So lawnmower parenting is bad for students. Bad for teachers. What about my bold statement that it’s bad for society? Well, if we’re rearing a generation of students who lack problem-solving skills and resilience the future does not look good for us. Life can be challenging and every society has problems that they need to solve. A graduation certificate does not come with a magic wand that automatically gives you these skills. They need to be acquired through experience.
What we can we do about all of this? We need to be the adults. We need to act as teachers and role models and actively engage in educating parents.
I know that’s annoying. And uncomfortable. I know I became a teacher to teach children. I felt like the adults should be able to take care of themselves. They should “know better.” Well, clearly some of them don’t. We need to rise to the occasion because the reality is that it’s not productive to complain about this “lawnmower” mindset and behavior without taking on the responsibility of trying to change it. As competent and caring teaching professionals we need to be open to engaging in the “uncomfortable” conversations with parents on this subject. Of course, we need to approach these conversations from a place of respect and love, and not judgment. But that’s a topic for another blog post (stay tuned!)
In the meantime, dear fellow teachers, know that you are not alone. Lawnmower parents are everywhere. And while the growing trend is alarming, having the patience and courage to work positively with it is essential for students, educators and, at the end of the day, everyone. Keep fighting the good fight.
